Why I prefer my misogyny undressed
There seems to be a growing belief among young men that being perceived as progressive or “woke”, either for the validation of women they are attracted to, or perhaps even just because they think it’s truly the way to be supportive of women, matters more than enacting those beliefs. You’ve seen them, you’ve worked with them, you’ve been friends with them, maybe even dated them – politically performative male “feminists”. You may have even witnessed how they pride themselves in avoiding the word “bitch”, except of course in reference to an ex, or caring about women’s sexual freedom, so long as it gives them porn or sex.
This sort of performance, while sometimes well-meaning, can foster a false sense of superiority. The old brand of in-your-face misogyny that involves calling women sluts and whores is being replaced by a more subtle undermining of women’s intelligence, often reinforced by competitive male-on-male behaviour and, at times, women policing each other (I have been guilty of this). On average, men in our generation are even more conservative than their fathers – a statistic many of them would vehemently refute.
I cannot think of anything more psychologically challenging for ambitious men hoping for successful careers than encountering a woman with a natural vigour for a subject or hobby. A woman who combines innate aptitude with matter-of-fact, diligent, hard work can unintentionally trigger competitive reactions among men, as well as critical policing from other women. I have seen this across a multitude of fields during my time at Imperial – natural and life sciences (though men are increasingly departing the latter), the creative arts, prose and poetry, filmmaking, and acting. What empowers her becomes, in the eyes of some, either an object of ridicule or a target to undermine. A conversation may start with, “How much of X have you done?” only for her answer to be dismissed.
Maybe accomplishments or aspirations are casually touted when she simply mentions her hobbies. Or her time reading around her subject is mocked, framed as a lack of emotional intelligence or a deficiency in humour. In practice, the subtle undermining of women’s intelligence often takes the form of unsolicited critique. A woman may casually mention a creative pursuit, a piece of prose she has written, a
painting she has completed, a scientific experiment she designed. Instead of curiosity or engagement, she receives dismissive, unsolicited remarks. This
makes it seem as if her effort is inherently frivolous or unworthy.
I cannot count the number of times throughout my undergraduate degree where my answer to a question was rehashed or reframed by a male peer. I am not sure what was worse, if my professor didn’t listen to me at all, or if they simply favoured the attractive, naturally gifted mind of my male peer? Did my male peer listen to me at all, or did he simply favour his own attractive, naturally gifted mind? These dynamics are reinforced by competitive behaviours among men, but women also sometimes contribute to policing each other.
Women are often denied the credit of being both hardworking and naturally
talented: if they work hard, they are deemed merely lucky; if they display natural talent, they are dismissed as socially inept, humourless, or emotionally detached. When she is quiet about how hard she works, she is secretly arrogant. When she is loud about how hard she works, she is outwardly arrogant. Recognising these double standards can help all of us support each other rather than reinforce them. It seems intuitive, but we are all guilty of it. I am, too. I recall a hardworking and naturally inquisitive girl I was insecure of throughout my undergraduate degree; I touted similar things.
Perhaps the growth in more subtle misogyny versus the old-fashioned inyour-face kind is a sign of changing times and a shifted Overton window compared to, say, 25 years ago. This is a sign of positive change to a reasonable extent – it is now less acceptable than it was in years prior to call women names such as sluts and whores out loud. Many laws have been changed in our favour, and in much of the Western world, we can expect to attend our jobs without obvious sexual harassment. This new type of misogyny, however, is also much harder to pinpoint and so, requires conscious intervention. The problem remains the same – the hatred of women in society, disguised or not.
Many laws have been changed in our favour, and in much of the Western world, we can expect to attend our jobs without obvious sexual harassment. The truth is that the subtle undermining of women’s intelligence and autonomy, disguised as “rage-bait,” is no less sexist than name-calling. Many men believe they are entitled to jokes and “banter” at the expense of women just because they wear the progressive label and so anything they say is “ironic.” I recall several encounters throughout my time at university where progressive values disappeared when an opportunity arose to undermine women’s accomplishments. Holding men accountable can reduce this behaviour, even if by challenging it we are “spoiling the fun” and accusing the aware among us of things they wouldn’t dream of doing.
Sometimes I think misogynistic insults concerning women’s appearance or personality feel less hurtful to me than undermining our intellect. This is a difficult feeling to articulate, and it is not to say that the former instances are to be taken any less seriously nor to imply that they are less damaging. Perhaps I no longer view the approval of men in the classic, overt patriarchal way, as the desideratum. But then lies the question of why men’s approval of our intelligence should be the desideratum, and the answer is it should not. But the undermining of our intellect, which is endemic in university settings, has a large impact on our day-to-day academic lives.
A male friend of mine put this well: if men can be both emotional and intelligent, why is it such a hard concept that a woman is capable of it too? Personally, I find it much easier to cope with the idea that some men find me unattractive, or disapprove of my choices, than the reality that some of my peers over the years have viewed me as their intellectual inferior. I would rather society find me ugly than stupid.
A male friend of mine put this well: if men can be both emotional and intelligent, why is it such a hard concept that a woman is capable of it too? Personally, I find it much easier to cope with the idea that some men find me unattractive, or disapprove of my choices, than the reality that some of my peers over the years have viewed me as their intellectual inferior. I would rather society find me ugly than stupid.
A male friend of mine put this well: if men can be both emotional and intelligent, why is it such a hard concept that a woman is capable of it too? Personally, I find it much easier to cope with the idea that some men find me unattractive, or disapprove of my choices, than the reality that some of my peers over the years have viewed me as their intellectual inferior. I would rather society find me ugly than stupid.
A male friend of mine put this well: if men can be both emotional and intelligent, why is it such a hard concept that a woman is capable of it too? Personally, I find it much easier to cope with the idea that some men find me unattractive, or disapprove of my choices, than the reality that some of my peers over the years have viewed me as their intellectual inferior. I would rather society find me ugly than stupid.
