1. Wine or Child: “This fruity, full-bodied Chilean will keep you on your toes. Pairs well with chicken or other children.” 

2. Wine or Child: “Lingers wistfully on the tongue before leaving a bitter aftertaste. Has a stupid French name and stains carpet when dropped.” 

3. Wine or Child: “A great conversation starter, and helps with cooking. Might just save your marriage!” 

4. Wine or Child: “This fucking thing caused my divorce.” 

5. Wine or Child: “Spritely, bright, and full of youth. This 2014 Californian is blonde, dense, and called Chardonnay.” 

6. Wine or Child: “Charming and cheerful. Will be the highlight of your day when you return from a long slog at the office.” 

7. Wine or Child: “This stunning pair of fine South Africans comes from the Western Cape. Taking a hands-off approach, they’re fermented naturally resulting in a smooth eperience” 

8. Wine or Child: “Offered at high class parties by Royal appointment.” 

Please send your answers on a postcard to The Editor, Felix Office, Beit Quadrangle, SW7 2BB for the chance to win what we think is a bottle of wine. 

[email protected]

@feliximperial

fb.com/FelixImperial

felix_imperial