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The student newspaper of Imperial College London

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Felix

Issue 1753
The student newspaper of Imperial College London


Keep the Cat Free


Bond fans want more

The newest film suffered from “confused themes”, with 80% of its runtime to “nuanced discussions of yield curve risk and hedging strategies”.

Hangman

in Issue 1753

The release of the newest addition to the James Bond franchise, No Time to Die, has been postponed until next year. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer claims that the delay is due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, but some say that hasty reshoots after poor test screenings are to blame. 

Hangman spoke to an industry insider who said that the film currently suffered from “confused themes”, specifically referring to the dedication of 80% of its runtime to “nuanced discussions of yield curve risk and hedging strategies”. A leaked copy of the film’s first draft saw the iconic MI6 agent, played by Daniel Craig, spending most of his scenes sat on the phone to Rami Malek’s maniacal auditor Safin, with less sex and violence than any film in the franchise to date.

While some praised the “brave” new direction taken by the filmmakers, noting the “raw” and “boring; God, so, so boring” portrayal of financial reality, dissent from this opinion has been near-universal. 

One test screening viewer was disappointed in what he called the film’s “no-booby philosophy”, adding that in previous years “you could always rely on Bond girls to deliver a low yield to maturity”. Our sources confirm that reshoots are wrapping up now, with a new plotline based primarily on “the differences between electron sharing and electrovalence”. It remains to be seen whether the improvements land on welcoming eyes.

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