Horoscopes 29/01/2021

M. Meg, the NegaFelix mystic consultant provides you with the week's fortunes

by NegaFelix
on 29 January 2021

in Issue 1762

Errm stars? You still there? What's in store this week?

ARIES: This week your relationship becomes long distance when your girlfriend files a restraining order against you.

TAURUS: This week you finally finish Peep show in 3 minute YouTube clips.

GEMINI: This week a global cabal of Make-a-Wish-kids wish for you to be skinned alive.

CANCER: This week your second haircut goes a lot worse than the first.

LEO: This week both of your thumbs are so sore that you have to scroll with your toes.

VIRGO: This week you actually watch Would I Lie to You. Turns out, once you have watched the Youtube 'Lee Mack's funniest moments' compilation the programme itself is actually pretty boring.

LIBRA: This week you determine the relationship status of everyone in the Zoom call by the quality of their haircuts.

SCORPIO: This week your morning vitriol develops into a major diplomatic incident.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you spend 50 minutes waiting for the slides to change after confusing Powerpoint and Teams.

CAPRICORN: This week your Gaviscon runs out moments before a crucial curry.

AQUARIUS: This week your crack dealer is too busy volunteering for St John's Ambulance to fit you in.

PISCES: This week the vaccine microchip comes preloaded with the new U2 album.

Imperial steams forward with ‘horse sh*t’ UN mural

‘It‘s sh*t,’ say students, as College President Hugh Brady claims ‘enthusiastic’ support

The scents in killing

Katia Zykova provides a chemical and literary perspective on the acclaimed story of a murderer.

Grantham Institute director blasts Rishi Sunak's climate U-turn

Alyssa Gilbert has co-authored a letter accusing the PM of ‘watering down’ UK climate commitments.

Union calls on Imperial to condemn Israel’s ‘indiscriminate killing’ of Gazan civilians

Imperial College Union (ICU) has released a statement calling on Imperial College London to ‘to take an official, public stance.'

20 Jewish students arrested for pro-Palestine protest

On why you should be worried about your rights as a student.

About Felix

Felix is the student newspaper of Imperial College London. The first issue of Felix was published in 1949, as a continuation of the Phoenix publication that H. G. Wells founded in 1904.

Write For Us

We welcome any student, staff, or alumni of Imperial College London to write for Felix. To write for a specific section, email the corresponding editors. You can find their emails by clicking onto the section webpage through the menu. We accept anything from one-time contributions to weekly columns; any contributions beyond writing (illustrations, graphic design, etc) is also gladly received.

Contact

Email [email protected] for general inquiries.

Top Stories