Horoscopes 29/01/2021

M. Meg, the NegaFelix mystic consultant provides you with the week's fortunes

by NegaFelix
on 29 January 2021

in Issue 1762

Errm stars? You still there? What's in store this week?

ARIES: This week your relationship becomes long distance when your girlfriend files a restraining order against you.

TAURUS: This week you finally finish Peep show in 3 minute YouTube clips.

GEMINI: This week a global cabal of Make-a-Wish-kids wish for you to be skinned alive.

CANCER: This week your second haircut goes a lot worse than the first.

LEO: This week both of your thumbs are so sore that you have to scroll with your toes.

VIRGO: This week you actually watch Would I Lie to You. Turns out, once you have watched the Youtube 'Lee Mack's funniest moments' compilation the programme itself is actually pretty boring.

LIBRA: This week you determine the relationship status of everyone in the Zoom call by the quality of their haircuts.

SCORPIO: This week your morning vitriol develops into a major diplomatic incident.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you spend 50 minutes waiting for the slides to change after confusing Powerpoint and Teams.

CAPRICORN: This week your Gaviscon runs out moments before a crucial curry.

AQUARIUS: This week your crack dealer is too busy volunteering for St John's Ambulance to fit you in.

PISCES: This week the vaccine microchip comes preloaded with the new U2 album.

Imperial steams forward with ‘horse sh*t’ UN mural

‘It‘s sh*t,’ say students, as College President Hugh Brady claims ‘enthusiastic’ support

Calls for new Imperial logo to be replaced as petition exceeds 2,700 signatures

College says it will “take any opportunity to hear what people think, to listen, and to answer questions.”

Imperial back to winning ways on University Challenge

Felix spoke to Imperial’s University Challenge team after its 285-145 demolition of Balliol College, Oxford.

ICU Elections: Student disillusion casts pall over Union President race

Over 40% of voters opted for candidates with no manifesto promises.

Union Council to vote on Imperial logo next week

Motion calls for Imperial to seek more feedback on new logo before continuing rollout.

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