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Felix

The student newspaper of Imperial College London

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Felix

Issue 1764
The student newspaper of Imperial College London


Keep the Cat Free


Horoscopes 12/02/2021

This week's astrological predictions

Horoscopes

in Issue 1764

Aries

This week you/re mute in real life, everyone keeps telling you to unmute yourself but you were just born that way


Taurus

This week, sheet music is cancelled for too many slurs


Gemini

This week you have a platonic friendship. Your friend has been dead for 2000 years


Cancer

This week you are morally ambiguous. Or are you?


Leo

This week you celebrate the new year by watching oxatouille


Virgo

This week your speech impediment is passed off as lag


Libra

This week your empty shampoo bottles unionise


Scorpio

This week you eat all the chocolates


Sagittarius

This week rapper Mobb Deep discovered to be patient zero for new, deadlier, SARS virus. He is reportedly still proud to be ‘the illest’


Capricorn

This week you have been arrested for protesting by “insert state here”


Aquarius

This week you start a tow-truck breakdown assistance firm to meet ladies but you end up hiring a lot of them. After all, when the towing gets muff, the muff gets towing


Pisces

This week you find that the hole in your pocket just leads to another, deeper pocket



















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