Horoscopes 03/06/2021

by NegaFelix
on 3 June 2021

in Issue 1774

Well well well, what do the stars have in store for us this week?

ARIES: This week its revealed covid spread so rapidly in china after a typo urged citizens to sneeze the means of production.

TAURUS: This week you make a 5 minute hack video baklava out of printer paper and maple syrup.

GEMINI: This week Thanos snaps his fingers in a zee formation.

CANCER: This week your mental break turns into a 2 month, unpaid mental leave of absence.

LEO: This week you take off your lucky pants and put on your sex gilet.

VIRGO: This week you pay your landlord in stock options in your startup.

LIBRA: This week you learn shorthand after a tragic industrial accident.

SCORPIO: This week your cat gets an emotional support rat.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you illustrate a point by spilling two cups of coffee and a bowl of chilli con carne.

CAPRICORN: This week sales of high altitude self propelled missiles skyrocket and sales of very deep natural rocky holes plummet and sales of Spanish plates with camp English accents plateau.

AQUARIUS: This week the ghosts of deadlines past, present, and future show you how you will get a 2:2.

PISCES: This week you finish your dissertation just in time for your supervisor to call you an idiot.

Imperial steams forward with ‘horse sh*t’ UN mural

‘It‘s sh*t,’ say students, as College President Hugh Brady claims ‘enthusiastic’ support

Calls for new Imperial logo to be replaced as petition exceeds 2,700 signatures

College says it will “take any opportunity to hear what people think, to listen, and to answer questions.”

Imperial back to winning ways on University Challenge

Felix spoke to Imperial’s University Challenge team after its 285-145 demolition of Balliol College, Oxford.

ICU Elections: Student disillusion casts pall over Union President race

Over 40% of voters opted for candidates with no manifesto promises.

Union Council to vote on Imperial logo next week

Motion calls for Imperial to seek more feedback on new logo before continuing rollout.

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