I deeply despise fashion. Whether it’s the pretentious designers selling a branded brick for a tonne of money, or the gormless idiots that buy it, everything in the fashion world is designed to piss me off. Apparently, however, it is one of the things many people at Imperial enjoy and have a serious interest in, so as always, allow me to lower my trousers, unclench my arse cheeks and defecate all over your vacuous hobby.

To begin with, I deeply mistrust an art form that mostly involves watching how fabrics hang off malnourished human bodies. Hats off to the generations of fashion designers that have successfully brainwashed young people into anorexia and unhealthy body images. You are probably responsible for so many mental health issues and eating disorders that I would applaud, except I’m busy ramming cotton wool down my throat. Delicious.

I hasten to point out that as an industry, the suffering fashion imposes on its models is hardly the worst bit. The poor bastards that are employed to create the clothes that you enjoy, and I wear because nudity is illegal, get to enjoy highly unsafe working conditions coupled with being children. Who needs education when you can be crushed to death in a factory collapse? Certainly not me. However, that is the unfortunate nature of the industry, to produce vast amounts cheap rubbish and underpay their workers before slapping a big fat brand price increase. I’m not sure what reveals more about human nature, the fact that people think they can do this or the fact that people buy the damn things anyway.

High fashion certainly exhibits this in spades, with the delightful high heeled crocs by Balenciaga costing an entirely reasonable $500 a pop, or the aforementioned Supreme brick. One of the methods that these companies use to keep their prices high is destruction of unsold stock. Burberry famously produces so much flammable crap that every so often, they have to burn millions of pounds worth of product just so they can keep selling it for extortionate amounts of money.

The funny thing is that people will continue to buy this shit. In an effort to live the brand “lifestyle” and flex over all their friends, middle class cunts will continue to invest in this clothing. What a waste of human life.