Toys for girls

If you’re a girl and you’ve never tried a sex toy, that’s absolutely fine. It’s your body and you should do with it as you please. I do feel, however, that if you weren’t aware of the existence of sex toys, you should probably know about them. There are a wide range of dildos and vibrators available online, often for very reasonable prices. By this point, as far as I’m aware, the taboo is mostly dead. If you haven’t picked one up yet, nobody is judging, so why not have a pop?


If you’ve never tried lube during a solo session, you really should. If you’re a circumcised male, you’re probably used to lubricating your wanks. If you’re a girl or a member of the foreskin flock, you might not have considered the pleasures of a slippery hand. Get a towel, sit down and get yourself a bottle of lubricant. I personally recommend J-lube, an ex-veterinary lubricant which comes in powder form, which you can dilute in a protein shaker. If you can’t be bothered with the hassle, grab yourself a silicon/water hybrid lube. You’d be surprised what a difference it can make.


There’s a certain stigma attached to fleshlights. Perhaps people see it as a symbol of acceptance that you’re not likely to get much action, but I think those people can go fuck themselves. Nearly everybody wanks, and everyone who wanks shouldn’t feel ashamed about trying to make it feel better. You can pick up a penetrable toy for about £25, and the difference it makes is pretty worthwhile. It’s not quite an everyday thing. There is a bit of prep and clean-up required, but for those wastey hangover days it’s perfect. Fill up a sink with hot water and leave your equipment in there to warm up a bit. Get some lube, and the rest is fairly self explanatory. I’s recommend you make sure your toy is silicone. That way it lasts a long time and it’s dishwasher safe for easy clean-up.

Rubber gloves

We’re starting to get a bit alternative now. Rubber gloves are cheap and add a new range of sensations to the masturbation experience. The slightly reduced sensation on the hand gives a novel feeling which can be a lot of fun. If rubber isn’t your thing, you could try other sorts of gloves to see if anything hits the spot.

Bum fun for boys

If you’re a guy, you’re likely scared of having something in your bum. That’s perfectly natural. You’ve probably lived your whole life only experiencing things coming out of it. Unpleasant things. I’m not going to say that the first time you try sticking something up there will be a totally comfortable experience, but I sill say that perseverance can yield unprecedented reward. If you ever pluck up the courage, have a little google and work out where your prostate is. Aim for that with a finger while masturbating. If you get it right, you’ll understand why it’s a thing.


What if I told you you could delegate all that hard work of pleasuring one of your orifices to something which wouldn’t cramp or fatigue? If that sounds appealing to you, and you have an open minded friend in mech-eng or a decent budget, you could consider a fucking machine. If that sounds interesting to you, google F-Machine and see what you think.


This is probably a new one for most of you, but if you’re an experimental type, it’s worth a try. Small electrical pulses can yield interesting sensations. They don’t always have to be painful, but if you’re into that kind of thing then it’s obviously on the cards. If you look in the right place, you can get yourself electrodes for the skin, insertable electrodes or electro wands, which provide a large area of contact on the end of a long handle. You’ll also have to pick up an electrostim box to plug them into. These allow you to control the pulse frequency, intensity, choose the waveform of the pulses. Sometimes they even have an audio input, so you can sync your sexy shocks to your favourite song.


This is the last one on the list, and probably the most controversial. Sounding is a name given to the act of putting things up your urethra. I can’t personally comment on this but I’ve been told it’s like masturbating from the inside. Generally, it’s wise to start small, but with experience, upgrading to larger sizes is possible. If you look online, you’ll find sets of urethral sounds with a range of girths. It’s very important here that you look at reviews and make sure your product is sterile to avoid infection. It’s generally not advisable to put random objects up your dick hole, so if you want to try this you have to go slow. Make sure you have a set of smooth, clean sounds.

If any of these things have enlightened you or sparked an interest, I’m glad to have done my job. If not, then there’s always next week. Have fun and love yourself responsibly.