A visit from St Nicholas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the lab, Not a test subject was stirring, not even the crab. The turrets were placed by the windows with care, In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The cubes were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of loved ones danced in their heads. And GLaDOS in her chassis, after a solitary beep, Had just shut down her cores for a long winter’s sleep.

When out in a chamber there arose such a clatter, The turrets awoke to see what was the matter. Their eyes lit up, in an unnerving stare, Whirring and grinding, asking: "Are you there?"

The light from the thermal discouragement beam, Highlighted the edges of the figments of a dream. When, what to their wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick, They knew in a moment it must be St Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, on Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As test subjects trying to escape to the world outside, When they meet with an obstacle, portals appear and through they glide. So along to the core the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, they heard up above, The prancing and pawing of the animals they love. As they lost their focus, and were turning around, Through a bright red portal, St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with moon dust and soot. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The portal placement device he held tight in his hands, And the smoke it encircled his head like Jupiter's bands. He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, and his figure brightly glowed, The turrets swooned when they saw him, in spite of their code! A wink of his eye and then they all knew, That like all human children, he loved them too.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of the trigger, And giving a nod, ran through the portal with vigour!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But they heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and keep safe. For science!"