Mad Muammar

Muammar Gaddafi has been an outstanding figure on the world scene, in terms of absolute lunacy. When it comes to stories about him, it’s hard to separate fact from fiction. Usually, as is often the case, the fact is stranger than the fiction. His Facebook page lists his interests as: “Libya”, “Pan-Africanism”, “Hating America”, “Justin Bieber”, and “cock.” The last two were the result of an unimaginative Facebook rape, I assume.

Colonel Gaddafi is currently in the midst of what is almost a civil war. His reaction has been, well, exactly what you would think from a man like him. That is to say, angry, violent, and totally insane. Most noticeably he has given some erratic speeches. Making the effort to watch these is really worth it. Most of the time you can even audibly hear the translator struggling to understand what on earth he is going on about, and how this could be translated into English. The shortest of such appearances occurred from the back of a car when Gaddafi gave a short statement to tell people he is still in Tripoli and hasn’t fled.

He energetically delivered a speech, transmitted on the 24th of February, in front of his old house. As it is Gaddafi we are talking about, this wasn’t quite symbolic enough. So there was also a large sculpture of a fist holding a US fighter jet and crushing it. Don’t be alarmed; the stress of work has not got to you. That last sentence said exactly what you think it just said.

As it is Gaddafi we are talking about, this wasn’t quite symbolic enough. So there was also a large sculpture of a fist holding a US fighter jet and crushing it...

It is debatable as to whether the translators took liberties, but either way there were some highlights. Gaddafi said at one point: “I am a fighter, a revolutionary from tents.” That sentence really ran away from him there. It started out strong, but then, tents? Is he a Boy Scout revolutionary? My personal highlight in terms of inspirational rhetoric was: “Libya wants glory; Libya wants to be at the pinnacle, at the pinnacle of the world.” Get T-Pain to sing that, add in “shawwwty”, slap a triumphant beat in the background, and we have a hit single on our hands.

Baffling rants are not exactly a new phenomenon for Gaddafi; he delivered a 96 minute speech to the UN in 2009. At this point, you may be wondering who on earth gave the okay for that. The answer is that nobody in the world said yes. He was given a 15 minute slot, but got a bit carried away. I suppose at the centre of diplomacy it would be a bit frowned upon to stand up and shout “Get off the stage, you’re shit.”

The other regimes to be toppled did so at the cost of lives. Sadly, I fear that here there may be an even greater human cost. This time, the fighting is fierce and Gaddafi hasn’t lost the support of the military. Once more the international community is unhappy about the violence against protesters. Ban ki-Moon is, as usual, not too impressed. At the end of February, he said that he found the scenes of demonstrators being fired upon “disturbing” and “shocking”. He said: “This is unacceptable and must stop immediately. Seriously guys, is no one listening to me? Does it not say Secretary motherfucking General anywhere on my suit? That’s it, I’m about to impose some sanctions all over your ass.” Guess which part of that quote the media decided to report.

At this point I will break up the article with a note on the oddity of the rank he chose. Gaddafi claimed that he did not promote himself to General because he does not need any grand titles, as his government is one of the people. This rings a bit hollow when coming from a man who has more AKAs than a west coast rap star. He goes by: “The Brother Leader”, “The Guide”, “Brotherly Leader and Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya”, “Brother Leader and Guide of the Revolution”, “Chairman of the Revolutionary Command Council” and (my personal favourite) “King of Kings of Africa”. So, as he said, no grand titles then, really staying grounded. He’s still Muammar from the block.

Anyone else in his position would realise the game is up, and just hand over power. The question is: will this be the end of Gaddafi’s reign? The BBC certainly doesn’t seem to think he will win this battle, judging by the headline: “Libya crisis: no ‘happy ending’ for Colonel Gaddafi.” so maybe they were just talking about an unsuccessful trip to a “massage” parlour. It’s hard to predict the outcome except to say that Gaddafi will not go quietly.

Gaddafi will not go quietly.