Kadhim’s totally hot album of the week #16

On Monday, Azealia Banks will play at Heaven. Sadly, I will not be there. Those damned academic commitments trumped my desire to go see the hottest female rapper since Missy Elliott said she wanted to search around in my trousers for Lord knows what (well, I assume she was talking to me, but one can never be quite sure when it comes to mass-distributed music).

Missing the gig is a bit depressing for two reasons: 1) It’s probably the best opportunity I’m going to get to throw myself at Azealia Banks’ feet and propose to her, thus beginning what I term, ‘My Incredible Awesome Life as Mr B.’; and 2) I haven’t been to Heaven for a looooooong time and I’m beginning to miss it.

The last time I was at Heaven (a gay club which moonlights as one of London’s best music venues) was Valentine’s Day 2011 – I assure you, it was moonlighting as a music venue on that date. Sleigh Bells were playing that night and my friend Jamie and I had gone to see them. It was a great night of delightfully unnecessary guitar riffs, pummelling rapid-fire drums, and gratuitous crowd-surfing by vocalist Alexis Krauss. Admittedly there was also a bit of moshing with 16-year-olds but hey, kids, if you’re going to get rowdy at a gig, be prepared to get owned by a skinny Imperial sociopath on a power-binge.

Sleigh Bells are a band who are on a sort of a power binge. They know they’ve got big musical guns, and they know that if they point them in our general direction things are going to get freaky. Like their debut album Treats, Reign of Terror [Spotify link] is full of clashes, thumps, and bangs that are designed to make you go a bit mental and try to break your neck. They suffuse this unashamed brashness with Alexis Krauss’ caramelised peach voice in a way that makes you want to piss off your neighbours by turning the volume up to ‘Bro, that’s quite loud’ at 4am in the morning.

My good friend, and doppelganger, Matt Allinson recently posted on Facebook that the “jury is still out” on this album. I’m planning on breaking into his flat in the middle of the night, sneaking into his room while he’s sleeping, and jumping onto his bed with with a boombox blaring ‘Comeback Kid’, screaming “THE JURY’S DEAD FROM ALL THE AWESOME!!!”

If you have experience in breaking into people’s homes in the small hours of the night, tweet me @kadhimshubber and lend your expertise. If you think things are getting a bit out of hand and illegal, tweet @sleighbells and say, “Look at what your music has done!” Better still, tweet @AzealiaBanks and tell her what great husband material @kadhimshubber is...