Microsoft kicked everyone’s ass...hard

Yeah, MS is back, baby! The most awesomest company on Earth has delivered this year in every possible area available. I’m like serious people, we did like everything. Not only have we revolutionised the smartphone world but also shaken up the PC market, tablets and games consoles.

With the Windows 8 phone, everyone has just been like wooahhh, what is that?! I mean the smoothness of the interface, the speed of the software and general greatness of Windows on a phone, toooootally makes up for a lack of apps. And the competitors? Apple and their iOS? Wait... didn’t we give ‘em 150 million dollars back in 1997? Yeah them. Oh and Goo...who...gle? That OS with their fragmentation and stupid food names are soooo 2012. I mean with Windows 8, you hold the future man, it’s so modern the UI is called “Modern UI”! Them flat tiles just give you all the info you ever could need, wanted or unwanted. It’s even so cool and new that Apple, the oh-so-high-and-mighty Apple, copy us. You can stick that in your iPipe and smoke it, Cook!

Oh yeah and the Windows update? Windows 8, it’s like so intuitive, even your Grandpa could use it.... Oh wait. According to that video he may not be able to. Well anyway, we took away that start button because it was likeoutdated and you guys didn’t want it. Yeah, I know you were saying you did want it, but look deep, deep down into your heart, you didn’t actually want it, right? Well, we’ll give it back to you anyway, even if you don’t want it! Aren’t we such a great and all-knowing company? So, like, it’s such a change from Windows 7, even though all of you still stay in the desktop mode, which looks like Windows 7.

What about the tablets? Absolutely, like totally, style. The RT does everything you wanted it to do (no, not nothing)! Thepro is the best tablet-laptop hybrid you ever wanted, and if you wanna get one, just go for it, they are still in stock! And the best bit is you get the Windows 8 experience on a tablet! All 35 GB of it!

Oh and what about Xbox (B)one(d). Like why would you need backwards compatibility? That’s like backwards thinking, man! Oh, and you want a console that actually is aimed at gamers? Well, we also make that kind of console, its called an Xbox 360, bro! Yeah, but apart from that like it’s the one device you will need (see that creative naming, man?!). So the cons: sharing games; why would you share games anyway? Gamestop would have ripped you off if you sell it, and, man, you never know if you really found ALL those golden stars, if you give it to your friend! Kinect; yes we know it’s annoying that the Kinect always has to be plugged in, but dude, no matter what we see, we will keep it secret (maybe give it to the US government, and possibly anyone that asks for it! But apart from that, no one I swear man!). Lastly that internet thing: I mean c’mon, whoever doesn’t have internet at least at some given point in the day is as backward as... as... a cat with toast on its face... oh wait. What are you gonna do about it though? Buy a Wii U?! Lol, don’t kid with me here, I have a weak heart. PS4, yeah right, let’s see if Sony even lives out the year! With Microsoft you know at least we won’t go bankrupt due to some Tsunami or something.

Well all in all it has bin afab year for MS, I mean kick-ass products that will just make you feel like you are in heaven. Just connect all your devices, and lean back while we listen and video everything in your life. Trust me man, your data is in good hands!

Some or all of this may be parody...