The modern-day hypocrite

The inner hypocrite has been lurking within you for some time. Occasionally it appears in its most obvious form, whereby said hypocrite exclaims, “I don’t watch trash TV,” and then binge watches 20 episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Of course, “I only watched it to see what all the fuss was about”. Sadly, not fooling anyone. However, generally speaking a hypocrite can take many forms.

There’s the environmentalist who recently saved a tree in Bolivia from being chopped down. How did they do that? They travelled 6000 miles in a fuel guzzling jet; hacked away a path in the rainforest to get to the tree; then set up camp, only to realize that the tent has flattened a rare species of ant.

They proceed to piss off the locals who need the land to grow soya beans, which make the soya milk that you consume because it’s supposedly better for the environment! But no matter, the tree lives to see another day. That’s until the environmentalist flies home one week later (after let’s face it, a bit of a jolly), and the locals stop hiding the flame throwers.

The next species of hypocrite, and one whose cause seems to have been reignited recently, is the anti-capitalist. The person who preaches how much better the world would be if it weren’t being strangled by big bad businesses and our consumerist ways. Of course, they vent their frustrations on capitalism via their Apple smartphone, on a profiteering social media site, while sipping a can of Coke, most probably wearing clothing from Topshop or Primark.

Russell Brand is a glaring example: with a net worth of £15 million and a new book being launched each week, need I say much more about the hypocrisy of this socialist champion. What’s scary is that his followers/fans/minions actually soak up the mouth farts he’s churning out, making a whole section of UK society his good little hypocrites (or revolutionaries, should I say).

There’s not enough time in the day to list every common way in which people say one thing and do another. I think in many ways, we’re all guilty of it. We form strong opinions on crises we see on the news, yet when it comes to acting on those views, perhaps by giving money to a good cause, many are reluctant.

Even something like celebrating Christmas every year when not believing in God could be seen as hypocritical. Without trying to get too deep, we’re all hypocrites each and every day. The key is to not be so obvious about it.

Stop showing everyone that piece of bark you picked up in the Bolivian rainforest (now a soya bean plantation), and the photos of you tickling a monkey’s armpit. And please, please stop following that curly haired moron because you have nothing better to do than rant about a system that, so far, is the best we’ve bloody got.