Keep your hands off our mascots
Council votes against declaring all mascots inviolate
A controversial paper was presented at Union Council last Wednesday which suggested the creation of a Masctotry Policy that would protect the student body from violence that occasionally manifests itself during mascot stealing raids.
The paper presented by Council Ordinary Member (Undergraduate Faculty of Engineering), Andrew Olson, and seconded by Lloyd James, RCSU President, argued that many Constituent Unions are guilty of ‘irresponsible mascotry’, which often descends into physical violence, and puts Imperial’s historically invaluable mascots in danger.
Some of the more stealable mascots include Bolt (a 68lb wheel nut), its sibling Spanner (a 64lb brass spanner manufactured to perfectly fit the bolts on London Bridge), Davy (a three-foot high, 132lb (60kg) brass and aluminium mining lamp) and Theta (a seven-foot long steel thermometer – imagine sticking that up your butt). Yes, Imperial is a fun place.
If you weren’t aware of them you’re probably not alone, as the mascots are rarely wheeled out due to fear of inter-constituent union theft.
Who doesn’t love a seven-foot long rectal thermometer?
The presentation stirred a lively discussion, with many Council Members protesting the ban on the year-long tradition of mascot stealing.
Constituent Union members found responsible for allowing their mascot to be stolen would in the past be penalised by downing a yard or writing an apology article in felix (which we would like to point out is not a right but a privilege). But Olson argued that “these traditions do not represent the current image and student body of the Constituent Unions of Imperial College.”
At one point he suggested that in the future, an appropriate measure for stealing a mascot would be calling the police, but his proposal was met with outrage by several of the attendees. In the end, although Council agreed on the value of Mascotry to Imperial’s culture and the need for appropriate conduct during any events where mascots are revealed to the eager public (because who doesn’t love a seven-foot long rectal thermometer?), declaring all mascots inviolate was not passed and Olson apologised for wasting the Council’s time.
