Farewell, USA

Although Americans have always been stereotyped as being loud, obnoxious and self-centred, their contribution to the culture of the internet cannot be overlooked. Their creativity and humour during their tenure on TikTok has crafted an extraordinary environment full of entertainment, both good and bad. But, for this piece, I would like to spotlight the good they did for the online space, now that their absence is felt.

Thanks to TikTok, many new artists and musicians were able to break out into the pop culture mainstream. An example of this was Lil Nas X, whose success can be largely attributed to his songs becoming incredibly popular on the social media platform. A trend involving his song "Old Town Road", inspired by the videogame Red Dead Redemption 2, led to a massive increase in streaming numbers, creating a hit. It must be noted that, although the song was catchy, the line "Cheated on my baby, you can go and ask her" was proven to be misleading due to his subtle homosexual lifestyle.

A personal favourite trend of mine was the "Pinegrove Shuffle", an absurd nonsensical dance where you would flail your arms and body forwards and backwards, while the song "Need 2" by Pinegrove played. Despite its absurdity, the trend captured an unknown feeling in most young Americans, one that can not be put into words in English, although it probably can in German. Yet, its message was universal. I could try to confine this feeling by attempting to describe it in words but all I would be doing is trying to catch water with a net. I must say though, when many first came across the trend, all they could muster up was "literally me", and indeed I can agree with, that it was, in fact, literally me.

Finally, I would like to wish them a regretful goodbye—wait, what? What do you mean they're back already? No way they're back already, it's barely been 13 hours. It's probably some technical error; they'll take it down soon, give me a moment. I worked so hard on the first half of this article man; this is my first Felix article, and it's ruined before I even started. I know I procrastinated in writing this article but, man, who hasn't? I'm a university student for God's sake. You know what? Fuck it, Fuck the USA and their shitty policies, just stick to a decision for once. Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam and now TikTok. This is why they got their ass beat in all of them. I'm going to email the White House secretary, Wowen Ilkinson's number, so he can teach them on how to do a proper pull out, it's no surprise as to why they have over six million single mothers.

For seven years I have been on this godforsaken app and for seven years I must be tortured by the shitty content they produce. The Pinegrove song was better without that stupid fucking trend. It used to be "literally me" but then it became literally everyone. Remember all those cringe-inducing anime cosplays? They were all American. All those Deku x Bakugo fanfics were written by greasy freedom-filled hands. Those people couldn't even go 13 hours without their dopamine hit. Of course it was them.

Wait, hold on a minute, what did Elon Musk just do? Jesus Christ, man. Farewell America? Fuck off, America.