Felix Editor pledges to “elimnate tipos” as part of a “wra”
Felix Editor Felix Felix has pledged to “elimnate” the many typos that have recently scarred the newspaper, as part of a “merciless “wra” on unprofessionalism.
Many readers had expressed their displeasure with typo rate in the double digits. “I’ve stopped reading Felix,” a MSc Cryptography student shared, “it reminded me of work too much.” One study from the Ddepartment of bBrain Ssciences found that readers of Felix were 2.4 times more likely that the average Briton to suffer from strokes.
“It’s like every section is an anagram,” one rare dissenting reader said, “which, frankly, I don’t mind – puzzles is the only thing this paper was ever good at.”
The Editor was in particularly warm waters after having published a news story titled “With only a year left to his term, is the Presifent a lame duck?” He later apologised on IC radio, blaming the uneasy marraige of the proximity of the D and F keys and his large, luscious hands. Nonetheless, the Vice Chamberlain called the mistake “the last straw in the long-term enshittification of what was once a College landmark,” and asked for a review of Felix’s policies. This is the second review called on by College Management following their recruitment of consulting firm McKinsey to audit the embattled newspaper.
A source within Felix who asked to remain anonymous explained that the broken “S” key on the Editor’s keyboard was to blame for some of the most ridiculous typos. The keyboard, which was purchased as part of the office’s most recent refurbishment, in 1994, is the only one that still works and it passed between computers. “It’ a real hame and it make thi newpaper look tupid,” the source shared in an email.
The Editor banned the use of LLM proofreading, in spite of a successful trial, after finding out that ChatGPT could more than adequately replace his job. Felix copyeditors still work “the old way,” and are instructed to focus on design guidelines rather than content during their regular 10-hour shifts.
The Editor’s new anti-typo policy appears to have reinvigorated the editorial board after a rocky period. “Now and always,” Deputy Editor Maditi Heta shared, “we will keep the rat free.”
