Halloween: Union dressed for distress
Nightmare gala turned HR nightmare.
A recent party held in the Union Offices has come under fire for “tasteless costuming.” Bystanders at the event recount seeing several characters in “unsavoury garb” which left many onlookers questioning what is considered scary and what is “blatantly unsanitary”.
“This is the one time of year I can dress in a slut’s skin, and no one questions it,” the host, who wishes to remain anonymous, said.
Catnip insider Juby Roy, dressed as a bag of limes, spoke with some of the party goers shortly after they were evicted from the Union Offices. One party goer – dressed as “Prince Andrew Abroad” and wearing nothing besides a pair of ill-fitting speedos with “Pool Britannia” written on the back – told NegaFelix “I don’t really see what all the fuss is about. Halloween is supposed to be scary and slutty, right? I’m impressing my boyfriend by stripping away my responsibilities!”
Many bystanders were appalled at the bacchanal that took place at the event. One witness insisted that they witnessed the Prince Andrew Abroad and a girl dressed as Bonnie Blue engaging in intercourse on the Union President’s desk.
“It’s just not right,” said the witness. “Shagging in the Union Offices where people pretend to work every day is just a step too far. Two Nonces shouldn’t make a right!”.
NegaFelix attempted to obtain a witness statements from several wealthy, foreign exchange students, however they quickly exited the interview after two men dressed as a ReformUK candidate and another as a piece of paper titled “Oxford Study” entered the room.
Several attendees have already made mention that the College’s “woke agenda” has gone too far, preventing students at the College from expressing their temporary, chosen identities for one night only.
“The College is clearly trying to strip us of our fluid identities,” two white men dressed as the men in black from Men in Black told us. An engineering student followed this up and explained that “forcing our given labels on us when they ask for College ID at the Union gate is offensive. Tonight, I am Batman.”
The Union President has declined to comment.
