Horoscopes: 17th Jan 2024

♈ Aries
This week you decide to practise working remotely by watching your lectures from the comfort of your bed.

♉ Taurus
This week you have a farewell party for Embargo's nights at Embargo's.

♊ Gemini
This week you beg your rich friends' dads to buy TikTok so Elon Musk and Mr Beast don't.

♋ Cancer
This week you decide 2026 will be the year you finally become an academic weapon.

♌ Leo
This week your learn your lecturer's recordings made it on Rolling Stone top albums of the 21st century before your favourite artist.

♍ Virgo
This week you purchase an organisation journal as a new way to procrastinate.

♎ Libra
This week you get an offer for an internship on Love Island Series 12.

♏ Scorpio
This week you celebrate the end of exams by starting to revise.

♐ Sagittarius
This week you adopt a feral Lime bike and ride him into your lecture hall.

♑ Capricorn
This week you did what? I can't believe you did that.

♒ Aquarius
This week you celebrate the potential TikTok ban in the US as a removal of unfunny people.

♓ Pisces
This week you message your ex to say happy birthday (Toxic by Britney Spears turned 21).