Horoscopes 23/10/2020

The stars are taking a break but Uranus has some things planned out for this week.

TAURUS - This week you finally get your grubby little hands on some hand sanitiser. 

CANCER -This week you discover that your girlfriend is cheating on you through the track and trace app. 

ARIES - This week your new lecturer wears a long trenchcoat, has a wobbly torso, and takes a nap halfway through. Nothing’s changed. 

GEMINI - This week your incompetent flatmate takes up breadmaking. Who knows what he’s trying to prove. 

LEO - This week what starts as a light drizzle will end with you upset that there aren’t any big Tescos in Islington. 

VIRGO - This week you find out our that in a pinch, your sleep mask can double up as a passable condom. 

LIBRA - This week you have imposter syndrome. You keep killing everyone over in electrical. 

SCORPIO - This week you are disappointed to find that there is a £5 minimum on haunted Aztec gold down at your local. 

SAGITTARIUS - This week despite your insistance that it was just a gaffe, your housemate demands you leave over last week’s goof. 

CAPRICORN - This week they come for the trade unionists. They did have it coming. 

AQUARIUS - This week you come across the 4th and 5th Corbyn brothers guarding the Sherfield walkway. One only lies, the other also always lies. 

PISCES - This week you succeed in maintaining a stiff upper lip. If it lasts more than 4 hours, seek medical advice.