Horoscopes 30/10/2020

What's your fate this week? Are cabbages involved?

What do the stars have in store for us this week?

ARIES: This week dress for the job you want by changing your Zoom background to the interviewer’s living room.

TAURUS: This week you remove your mask to reveal a second, smaller mask underneath.

GEMINI: This week the government predicts a dinosaur-shaped recovery.

CANCER: This week to avoid taking off your mask in public, you make a small incision on your abdomen to ram in a meal deal.

LEO: This week NASA announces water on the moon and semen in Uranus.

VIRGO: This week an ‘i’ for an ‘aye’ makes the whole world blayend.

LIBRA: The week the Corbyn brothers 8 through 19 form a K-Pop super group.

SCORPIO: This week they come for the juice as the editors are too spineless to do the real joke.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you read that the fine print on your Haunted Aztec Gold promises immortality. At least you think it does, as you lost your left eye in a bar fight in Port Royal.

CAPRICORN: This week you will find balance as a second stroke evens out the damage done by the first.

AQUARIUS: This week you get your initiation rituals mixed up and sing Estelle’s “American Boy” to the Saudi Soc Committee.

PISCES: This week you find out your Grandad pronounces it “Grin-dr”. You still leave him on read.

From Issue 1753

30th Oct 2020

Discover stories from this section and more in the list of contents

Explore the edition

Read more

Graduand dragged out from ceremony after protesting for Palestine

News

Graduand dragged out from ceremony after protesting for Palestine

An Imperial graduate was removed from the graduation ceremony after displaying a sign stating “Imperial funds genocide” on Tuesday 3rd June. The protest, which has since been uploaded to social media, was a call for “divestment,” in response to what the student called Imperial’s “financial ties to the ongoing

By Mohammad Majlisi