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Felix

The student newspaper of Imperial College London

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Felix

Issue 1762
The student newspaper of Imperial College London


Keep the Cat Free


NegaFelix stock picks for those of you that missed out on GME

The crack team of NegaFelix analysts give you the top stock picks to make a guaranteed million with no risk

Hangman

in Issue 1762

With GameStop, the iconic 90s video game retailer, stock riding at an all-time high as a result of unprecedented amounts of interest by first time investors NegaFelix presents the other stocks to get excited about and throw your parent’s mortgage at.


Blockbuster

With a strong business model that looks immune to disruption and undercutting this stock should be a staple in your portfolio. After all, people are never going to stop wanting to rent DVDs are they? How else will they be able to watch films at home?


Jane Fonda Video Production Ltd

A less well-known brand name but this company has been producing hits for years and looks set to continue. Lead by their iconic namesake and figurehead, $JFVP is the sort of stock that just keeps giving. Uniquely the company pays its dividend not in cash but in a longer life expectancy. You just can’t put a price on health. Exciting tie ins with leotard and leg warmer manufacturer Fashionable Neon ensure that this is a stock criminally undervalued and a quick way to make a sure buck.


Dubai Ice Cream co.

Based in the outskirts of the emirate The Dubai Ice cream company uses traditional recipes and techniques to bring you real Dubai ice cream like what would have been eaten in the area around the ever since the 4th century. This company has in the past been accused of not connecting well with their market and missing production targets which has led to a lot of attention from short sellers. A perfect opportunity to stick it to the man by boosting the stock of a beloved company and putting a couple of hedge funds out of business.


ChocPot

Another stock that has been criminally underrated by mainstream investors determined to deny the technical strides this company has been making. Blending two of the nation’s favourite foodstuffs, the ChocPot coco teapot has been making a splash on Britain’s tea time. The delicate infusion of the organic coco nibs’ flavour gives you a hot drink never before conceived of. Buy the dip now and get your diamond hands ready because this one is reaching the moon.


NegaFelix

Worth a try. You idiots will buy anything.


In other news the College endowment fund, used for investment has reported record gains. They managed to avoid the GameStop upset and have lengthened their short position on global happiness. Already at all-time lows the College investment advisors were sceptical but a personal overruling from Alice Gast has turned out to be incredibly profitable.

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