Felix Cat


The student newspaper of Imperial College London

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Issue 1764 (PDF)
The student newspaper of Imperial College London

Keep the Cat Free

Politicians' dating profiles leaked this Valentines!

NegaFelix has got an exclusive sneak peak of the dating profiles of some of the country's leaders


in Issue 1764

Age: 35


HMTQ, the Rugga, the missus — in that order


Hoovers, postmen, thunderstorms

Got a couple of kids already but still interested in something on the side

Matthew Hancock Age: 42 and a half

Hello, potential partners! My name is Matthew Hancock, though my close friend calls me Matt. I am only doing Zoom dates at the moment but I look forward to getting to know you (virtually) *wink face*

Dishi Rishi Age: your mum

DTF? I will come and pick you up in my PORSCHE and we can drink GREY GOOSE at MY house that I own. Must call me daddy. No heels allowed and you have to be smaller than 5 foot 2.

PrettyP1066 Age: A lady never reveals her age

I am looking for a real man.

No blacks, no asians, no europeans.

I will split all bills just don't call it going Dutch.

Mr and Mrs Gove Age: read the profile

Joint profile with my darling wife. After you get in touch we will decide if we want to meet. If everything checks out and we can get all the paper work sorted then we would be happy to have you over for dinner and see where the night takes us. I will just be watching. We look forward to hearing from you.

Kate Bingham Age: none of your business

Looking for something casual. Must be well hung. Have already met too many lying little pricks on here.

Dom Raab Age: Still got it

Looking for a lovely English Rose xxx if you know what I mean.

Basically the PM. I am a perfect gent and will be your knight in shining armour.

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