Horroscopes 28/05

Your weekly update on the positions of the stars

Horoscopes

by NegaFelix
on 3 June 2021

in Issue 1773

Aries

This week your case of athlete’s foot quickly develops into a case of athlete’s feet

Taurus

This week your favourite e-girl serves you with an e-restraining order

Gemini

This week disaster strikes when paramedics take man having a heart attack to the brospital before the hospital

Cancer

This week you tune into Radio 1 and Radio 1 Xtra at the same time

Leo

This week you are manifested by your stalker’s morning affirmations

Virgo

This week you find solace in Daft Punk’s old stuff

Libra

This week you stage an intervention for your former flatmates to tell them to stop being so obsessed with you

Scorpio

This week you have the best years of your life. They are dog years

Sagittarius

This week you try the Pope’s new trademarked Grain mix

Capricorn

This week the thudding in your head head stops.

Your migraine has employed British workmen

Aquarius

This week you raid fire on an administration by rearranging your homework folder

Pisces

This week you fill out the Felix Sex survey.

You could have sworn it was loose on you last year

Imperial steams forward with ‘horse sh*t’ UN mural

‘It‘s sh*t,’ say students, as College President Hugh Brady claims ‘enthusiastic’ support

Calls for new Imperial logo to be replaced as petition exceeds 2,700 signatures

College says it will “take any opportunity to hear what people think, to listen, and to answer questions.”

Imperial back to winning ways on University Challenge

Felix spoke to Imperial’s University Challenge team after its 285-145 demolition of Balliol College, Oxford.

ICU Elections: Student disillusion casts pall over Union President race

Over 40% of voters opted for candidates with no manifesto promises.

Union Council to vote on Imperial logo next week

Motion calls for Imperial to seek more feedback on new logo before continuing rollout.

About Felix

Felix is the student newspaper of Imperial College London. The first issue of Felix was published in 1949, as a continuation of the Phoenix publication that H. G. Wells founded in 1904.

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