If tube lines had a Christmas party...

You know that friend of yours who's always busy on weekends when you ask her to come out? She recently left a relationship that was just going round and round. Welcome to the Circle Line.

It takes this guy ages to get anywhere, sometimes going nowhere at all and just standing idly at the queue in the Post Office while everyone behind him just gets annoyed. To be honest he just wants to die with dignity but his fucking doctors wonít give up on him. Itís not your time just yet, District Line.

But this guy's the real alpha male: fast and strong, and women literally throw themselves at him. Those who do get to bed this stud will be disappointed, though: heís always coming in a couple of minutes. Itís not all sunshine and roses for the Piccadilly Line. The Central Line and the previous customer are always trying to one-up each other, which sometimes results in a bit of a stare-off when they cross paths at Holborn.

This all leaves the Hammersmith and City line rather disgruntled. How would you feel if you were rendered obsolete by a cripple and a geriatric?

Nonetheless, whizzing past one another and spending all night at the depots together they are all pretty close, and they often arrange get-togethers, often BYOB (Bring Your Own Brakes) parties. This time they chose to chill at Hammersmith where they all meet, apart from the Central Line that is. He never could make Fridays anyway, on account of work the following day. So, many laughs were had as the WD-40 flowed and sparks flew, but something wasn't right. District was feeling unusually down today and left early, soon after P Dilly who couldn't stay up all night like the others, leaving the girls by themselves. That was soon interrupted by a knock on the door: the boyfriend. H&C, who lives with Circle, knew where this was heading and promptly told him to get derailed but Circle told her to shut up and invited him in. H&C was having none of it and disappeared into her room to drown her sorrows and the sound of make-up sex.

The following morning...

"There are severe delays on the Piccadilly Line due to the District Line falling under a train earlier and minor delays to the Hammersmith and City Line owing to about three bottles of tequila the night before. The District Line has finally been put out of its misery and been replaced by a series of rail replacement buses. There is no Central Line service today due to excessive gloating. There is a good service running on all other London Underground lines."