I left my will to live in San Francisco

So, for those of you who actually read these colour-anemic boxes, last week I put up a vote for which simulator game I should play and review. I had a deluge of emails telling me to try the ‘social life’ simulator and that I should get out of the Felix office, but the joke’s on them – I’m dead inside anyway. I chose to give the Bus & Cable Car Simulator – San Francisco a spin, as I felt like seeing the sights and sounds of a hustling and bustling bay city.

My desktop computer isn’t new by gaming standards, but it’s not exactly slow either, so the 30 minutes it took for the installation screen to even appear was a portent of things to come. Installation over, I cranked the graphics settingsup to 11, (and immediately regretted it) making my computer slow to a stuttering ~8fps. Once I was back to a usable frame rate, I then spent 10 minutes trying to get my pickup truck to go forwards. Windscreen wipers and fans on, with headlights set to ‘retina burning’, I was blazing ahead. And then crashed a few meters ahead. Not the vehicle. The game.

I solved the crashing problem (don’t drive fast) and made my way to my first objective – an exhibition hall containing the unlockable vehicles I could look forward to. I got myself to the bus depot, chose a route and spent 10 minutes just playing around with the onboard computer and the display on the front of the bus. Before I even got to the first stop on the route, my bus scraped a lamppost and the sight was akin to that of a beached whale. Verdict: buy if the smell of virtual motor oil and disappointment gets you hot.

Next week’s choices – Stone Quarry Simulator and Camping Manager. Send your votes or insults into games.felix@ic.ac.uk.