The Worst of TV
Let’s face it, 2016 has been an awful year. To be honest, this section could easily just be ‘The News’. But, the shitiness of reality does not excuse the shitiness of art. So, let’s examine some of the attrocities commited in the name of ‘entertainment’ on the small screen this year.
1. MacGyver
Because apparently some people still haven’t been completely burned by the idea of rebooting 80s franchises, here comes MacGyver. A completely half-assed, badly acted cash grab, this series barely feigns an attempt at emulating its ideal. There’s no suspense, and the pacing is bizzare. It all just makes you ask, ‘who wanted this, who is it for?’
2. Fuller House
Ok, I promise you, the purpose of this article isn’t just to shit on things from the 80s. Really, though, the failure of this sitcom revival should be a surprise to no one. Televison as a medium has evolved so much since those days that even the most innocuous sitcoms today have more depth, substance, and edge than Full House. Attempting to bring those elements into Fuller House just leads to culture clash, but leaving them out makes it dated. It’s lose-lose; this was a bad idea.
3. Criminal Minds | Beyond Borders
Oh Gary Sinise. Lieutenant Dan should keep looking for legs elsewhere, because this show certainly doesn’t have any. Spinning out of the mediocre at best Criminal Minds, this show flaunts the bizzare premise of some sort of global police team that saves Americans from those bad foreigners who just want to victimize them. The one thing the show does have going for it, however, is that it’s probably the most critically panned show of the year.
4. Damien
Appropriately for the subject matter, the network title is downright prophetic. It’s what you’ll be needing after watching this. Credit where credit is due, rather than attempting to reboot The Omen movie franchise, this series acts as some sort of continuation; with an adult Damien coming to grips with his role as the anti-christ. However, the cliched choice of aesthetics, coupled with the laughable dialogue and direction mean this show is DOA.
5. Lucifer
Probably the least offensive entry on this list, Lucifer isn’t that bad really. However, it’s a perfect example of the tragedy of ‘what could have been’. A largely uninspired, if decent cop show, Lucifer is based on the seminal DC comic of the same name. We could have had a grand cosmic saga about gods and angels, instead, we got CSI: Hell. And believe me, that’s not nearly as interesting as it sounds.
