Horoscopes: 14 Feb 2025

♈ Aries

This week the Sex Survey makes you realise that you are functionally an incel.

♉ Taurus

This week your gambling addict friend informs that you that 90% of engineers quit revision before they make it big.

♊ Gemini

This week you submit mitigating circumstances for bereavement after the Duolingo Owl dies.

♋ Cancer

This week you publicly declare you are quitting drinking only to be caught in the act seven days later.

♌ Leo

This week you discover your dream jeans while Kendrick accuses Drake of being less than legal.

♍ Virgo

This week you cry because Beyonce robs your of your spot on the Dean's List.

♎ Libra

This week you cancel your flight home for Easter in fear.

♏ Scorpio

This week you hope that both you and the University Challenge team have an academic comeback.

♐ Sagittarius

This week you ask your mechanics lecturer to "explain in pop terms".

♑ Capricorn

This week you get honoured with the "Absence Award" at the Billboard Women in Group Projects.

♒ Aquarius

This week you reheat your SSRIs.

♓ Pisces

This week you try a Kanye West style approach as publicity officer and get your society dissolved.