Despite the grand name, Mother Nature is just another petulant teenager
Oil giants claim Earth is just 'going through a phase'
Representatives from long-time sponsors of Imperial, BP and Shell, confirmed that they had spoken with the Earth herself in "A Convenient Truth", a documentary released on Netflix last weekend. They explained that rather than the rational being they had expected, she was actually an irritable teen whose tantrums were causing rampant climate change.
"We saw Apple’s commercial where they received a visit and knew we had to meet her for ourselves," Ritual Coordinator, Charles Maza, explained in the documentary. "Now we understand what we’ve really been dealing with this whole time: angst."
Dr Riederike Fotto, an attribution scientist at Imperial, has been arguing for years that climate change is "simply too random to be the result of anything other than Gaia getting into an argument with her brother Mars." She told Felix that "colonising Mars could actually be disastrous if he is in a similarly vulnerable emotional state."
Some environmentalists are still worried about what effects these tantrums will have on biodiversity, but Campaigns Manager for Environmental Society, Belle Pugh, told Felix "I’m not worried because most of these extinctions will be insects. What ACT shows is that what’s happening now are most likely not our fault."
Other activists are lauding the film as a tipping point for their movement. A spokesperson for the Fossil Liberation Front told Felix that they were "deeply worried that climate action might have created more jobs, liveable cities and clean water by accident. It’s important we preserve biodiversity and reduce air pollution, but all I see is governments acting for the wrong reasons."
Keith McCoy, former Exxon Senior Director of Federal Relations, made a statement after "A Convenient Truth" was published on Twitter, formerly X, "For the last 30 years I have been saying it wasn’t us. It was my job to represent Exxon’s position, and when they distanced themselves from me for saying we had been lobbying against climate action, I felt betrayed. #NotAllMen #JusticeForKeithMcCoy".
The vital context "A Convenient Truth" provides shows the rest of the world the true potential of oil and gas companies to advance our society. The rest of us can only sit and wait as their employees enjoy utopian abundance on several recently reclaimed islands, formerly Kiribati and Palau.
BP did not respond to a request for comment.
