Horoscopes 21/05

Our Felix exclusive horoscope

Our astrology correspondent M.Meg has good luck on the cards for you.

Aries

This week you trade two common senses for one blue eyes white sense

Taurus

This week choke me Daddy is added to the executioner conversation blacklist

Gemini

This week Elon Musk reveals plans for a robot suit powered by kryptonite

Cancer

This week hundreds of people confess they remember it being spelt ‘The Mandela Affect’

Leo

This week you earn a slap after asking your girlfriend to “Gaza strip”

Virgo

This week I’d like to thank my manager, my agent, and the spider on the shower wall that watches me masturbate

Libra

This week a callous remark will ruin an otherwise eloquent eulogy

Scorpio

This week you get your Willy caught in your zipper

Sagittarius

This week you go on Tinder looking for a short stocky piece of wood to start a fire with.

Capricorn

This week you face the biggest question of 2021 so far.

-

Huel 

or 

nutritional yeast?

Aquarius

This week the bracelet you like finally comes back into stock on the IDF’s Etsy store

Pisces

This week the email finds you cowering, cold and naked on the floor

From Issue 1772

21st May 2021

Discover stories from this section and more in the list of contents

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Peter Haynes to take over Provost role in October

News

Peter Haynes to take over Provost role in October

Professor Peter Haynes has been appointed as the new Provost and Deputy President of Imperial College. The current  Vice-Provost for Education and Student Experience, Haynes will succeed the outgoing Provost, Professor Ian Walmsley, who has served in the role since 2018. Imperial President Hugh Brady said Professors Haynes and Walmsley

By Guillaume Felix
Why RAG’s bungee jump event never took place

News

Why RAG’s bungee jump event never took place

Earlier this academic year, Imperial Raising and Giving (RAG), had announced the return of their charity bungee jump after a hiatus of 10 years. The event, however, was postponed several times, and Felix can now reveal why it was cancelled. The event, initially scheduled for November 13th, was postponed several

By Mohammad Majlisi and Nadeen Daka
Palestine protests ramp up as year ends and tensions rise

News

Palestine protests ramp up as year ends and tensions rise

Saturday 7th June: Pro-Palestinian protestors hold banners as they stand on ALERT at the Great Exhibition Road Festival. Tuesday 10th June: A student announces a hunger strike asking for Imperial to investigate Islamophobia and anti-Arab racism, form a student-staff working group on ethical investment, and divest from arms companies accused

By Mohammad Majlisi