Will you join my (Mili)band?

Ever since the new leader EDavid Miliband stood up to the batting plate, how has Labour, once preening in the glory days, adjusted to a life as the Opposition?

After getting over the drama of usurping his brother EDavid, EDavid had to face the inevitable mountain of conflict that was choosing a fairly representative shady cabinet. Now, adhering to his ‘youth’ line, EDavid has tried to subtly belittle the age and mental capacity of his predecessors by choosing a shady cabinet with as few over-50s as possible. Then again with an approximate mean age just shy of 50, you have to wonder if this cabinet can be trusted enough to crunch the numbers…

Allegedly, a source allegedly close to the shady leader himself has implied that EDavid has been reduced to looking for new policies in ‘The People’s Manifesto’, a classic textbook by author Mark Thomas. But while policies such as “the introduction of a ‘maximum wage’” might get extra backing from the unions that pushed him into power, EDavid still has a long way to go before he has to face the ‘real’ people of ‘real Britain’.

And what exactly is Labour doing to bring itself back into the hearts (or at least minds) of the general populous? It seems the plat du jour is a serving of “distancing themselves from all previous decisions” with a sprinkling of “championing the cause of anything Cool Dave says because Dave C is a mean boy who steals everybody’s lunch money. No really, and he also has lots and lots of money and used to lie [allegedly] for a job so he’s not trustworthy!”. Mind you, he did break his ironclad promise to hold a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty… maybe there is some truth to their rambling after all. He is still Cool Dave though....