Isolated Imperial

So, imagine you’re at a party with all the UK’s universities. Standing in a corner are the Russell Group, stroking their rugby team ties and snubbing the rest of the unis, who are actually having fun. Out in the hallway are a bunch of businessmen in a circle, all jacking off onto Imperial, who willingly kneels in the middle.

They’re jizzing job offers or something – don’t read too much into this metaphor, it’s just meant to show a point: Imperial isn’t enjoying the party or talking to the other universities at all, but is at the centre of its own business bukkake. Imperial is isolated in a way like no other uni, and this isn’t helping us (in fact, it makes us the creepy guy who’s probably going to go postal).

I should have seen the warning signs when, during application, I found out that we’re no longer a member of the University of London nor are we in the NUS. We don’t even get the London Student on campus. All of these lead to one thing: a university that has no connection to the country’s student body, or even to the rest of London.

Paul Beaumont’s recent comment, – “[the NUS] little reflects the needs and wants of the ‘top end’” just seem to scream like a little spoilt brat, “but we’re better than everyone else!” especially when all other unis at the top end are in the NUS. Our Union willingly and arrogantly puts us in a class above every other university, and like the spoilt brat, no one wants to play with us. I mean, our varsity game is against ourselves – that’s sad, Imperial. Really fucking sad.

The Imperial attitude is warped by our exclusionism

This has some real implications, too: sure, our research and graduate employment might be top, but what about the student experience? There’s so many opportunities we’re missing out on and I’m sure this is just one of the many things contributing to our abysmal student satisfaction rating.

The Imperial attitude is warped by our exclusionism, too. Look at the amount of hate the Feminist Society here has been getting (of which I’m not a member – though this may come as a shock to commenters on my previous article) just for daring to exist. Other universities have had feminist or women’s societies for years. They’re a normal thing, though most Imperial students would never believe that. I’ve even heard of a feminist magazine – Cuntry Life – at Oxford. Oxford! It’s a really worrying sign when we’re winning at conservatism against the country’s oldest university.

“Imperial apathy” is talked about a lot, and that’s just another sign of this. No wonder we’re not going to protests or being active in politics if we have no idea what’s going on. So, students, Paul, Union, please: let’s do something about this. Voting yes to joining the NUS would be a great step, but maybe as a start we could say hello to our neighbours on the other side of London, or they’re gonna forget that we exist.