Stuck in my Kava-craw

Well, here’s a little Kavfefe that’s been dominating the US news cycle recently (anyone remember those kids in concentration camps? They’re still there for the record). Brett Kavanaugh, potential appointee to the Supreme Court of the United States, has had a rough few weeks. The media circus was brewing over (possible gambling) debts paid off by shady campaign-finance groups to the tune of $150k and non-answers to basic legal questions about precedent-laden cases, and he had a peculiarly Zuckerbergesque imitation of human behavior that just kinda put people off; we like our lizards with scales unvarnished by having your daughter’s softball team in the fucking room during your nomination hearing. We were primed for Kav to be squirted along like so much impacted stool - motility, that’s the power of ex-lax - then Feinstein showed up.

Here’s a curveball: activist judge for “family values” (i.e. fuck gay people and women) turns out to be a nympho. Who raped people. Sorry, “allegedly,” - that is, alleged by multiple credible and corroborating witnesses begging for the FBI investigation the Kavster seems to really not want - one under threat of perjury. Sorry, investigation? The elephants in the room (the Rs) declined to use that Federal Bureau. And for the record, the set of allegations keeps building and building.

The GOP knew about Kav being a perv last week. That’s why didn’t want to go through with him, and why Grassley’s been such an ass to the unfortunate Dr Ford. Ultimately, the fault lies at 1600 Penn Ave - Trump wanted him because it’s an assured vote against criminal prosecution, potentially allowing him to weather the storm of a constitutional crisis with a stacked SCOTUS (recall their taking the nuclear option, evading conventional bipartisanship in the process, to confirm Gorsuch). Cretinous parasites they are, senate Republicans coddled up to Trump and tried to ram Kavanaugh through, full-well knowing the accusations against him before news broke (for the record, Ford’s letter to Diane Feinstein goes back to July).

It started to look like the Rs wouldn’t get over the hump. Money-bomb funds arrayed against Sens. Collins and Murkowski if they vote up on Kavanaugh were amassed for their next elections (how’s that sound for Citizens United v. United States). Kav’s polls started to suck more - lowest for any Supreme Court nominee of recent memory. The Dems finally grew something approximating a spine, and it appeared that maybe, just maybe, they could edge out this play and send him packing.

Not so fast. Trump would never pass up the opportunity to do something egregiously stupid.

Here’s the thing about Ur-fascism: its proponents are dumb. Really dumb. Trump, as of Tuesday’s writing, has absolutely fucked it. He’s leaking that in private conversations he “didn’t like Kavenaugh,” oozing away with all the determination and presence of mind of a common garden slug fleeing salt. Rewind: he tried to fire Rosenstein. It didn’t work. Rosenstein called his bluff. Trump blinked on Tuesday. Rewind again. The slug’s multi-function orifice wheezed a noxious cloud in the process: rumors circulated that Rosenstein was going to resign. Rosenstein rebuffed; the lie was doubled-down on when the rumor was “substantiated” in conversation with chief of staff John Kelley. Rosenstein again referred to the matter as fabrication. Trump’s rumor mill churned, but nobody ended up confused. We’re in prime position for an immaculate self-own.

Oh, and wasn’t it sweet. Trump’s Neanderthal staffers leaked to the media that the whole thing had been a show staged to distract from the Kavanaugh hearing, hoping the GOP could stuff Kav through. And in the process, they put themselves in legal jeopardy for a much clearer obstruction of justice case. What a fucking idiot.

If we were playing normal politics, Trump’s laid all his cards and tried to put out a ten-alarm fire with a nuclear bomb. Amateur political mistakes coupled with bravado and sheer stupidity have led to an imminent confrontation with the deputy attorney general in charge of a probe posing an existential threat to the administration (as of the day before publication - ha, print deadlines). As of publication, we’ll have seen whether Trump blinks a second time. Knowing Trump, he almost assuredly will.