Issue 1897
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Horoscopes: 21 Feb 2025

This week's un-Hinged predictions

NegaFelix

NegaFelix

— 1 min read

♈ Aries

This week you spend the remainder of your bursary on discount chocolate hearts.

♉ Taurus

This week you lie about a family member dying to get a week extension. The following week you lie and say it’s the funeral.

♊ Gemini

This week you dress up as Addison Rae dressing up as Donald Trump to spice things up in the bedroom.

♋ Cancer

This week you start a petition for 50% of all espresso served on campus to be espresso martinis.

♌ Leo

This week you reference the final scene of Nosferatu as evidence that coitus interruptus is hellish.

♍ Virgo

This week your hockey boyfriend disappoints you with his pullout skills when he drops out the nude centrefold.

♎ Libra

This week your friends see the “scam” text from the doctors confirming you have chlamydia.

♏ Scorpio

This week you convert to Christianity after finding out Cynthia Erivo is taking over as Jesus Christ.

♐ Sagittarius

This week you flirt via theatre review to be demure.

♑ Capricorn

This week your controversial flatmate complains that his new Kanye West t-shirt was automatically refunded.

♒ Aquarius

This week you realise DramSoc plagiarised your “edgy” GCSE drama performance.

♓ Pisces

This week your Hinge pool makes FiveSixEight look like a Yves Saint Laurent casting call.

From Issue 1867

21st Feb 2025

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