Horoscopes: 7 March 2025

♈ Aries

This week you review Normal People for the third time hoping that it will prompt her to text you back.

♉ Taurus

This week you break your tooth outside the club and your heart inside it.

♊ Gemini

This week you use Ash Wednesday as an excuse to empty your ashtray.

♋ Cancer

This week you make your partner wear a suit during sex to attract future investors.

♌ Leo

This week you email the editor asking if you could buy a full page Advertisement begging for a girlfriend

♍ Virgo

This week you lose the argument so you say that you were only joking.

♎ Libra

This week you realise your situationship picking the fresher over you is literally the plot of The Substance.

♏ Scorpio

This week you break the record for the longest time spent inside your girlfriend, clocking in at 5 minutes & 36 seconds.

♐ Sagittarius

This week you were so focused on Emilia Perez losing you forgot about Sean Baker and Adrien Brody.

♑ Capricorn

This week your girlfriend does not appreciate your comment on how pancake day came early when you slapped her ass.

♒ Aquarius

This week you plan your third hypothetical novel.

♓ Pisces

This week you wonder how Hugh Brady knew to escape Bristol.