Physics and Maths departments to sage Huxley and Blackett
Both the Departments of Mathematics and Physics will be burning sage in what insiders say is a “desperate” attempt to combat worsening student satisfaction. The use of sage burning, a practise derived from withcraft, is seen to be a radical departure from both departments’ lack of action.
“Look, we don’t want to change anything for the better, but the IOP (Institute of Physics) and College Management threatened to remove half of our research funding if we didn’t even pretend to solve the issue,” a senior member of the Department of Physics told NegaFelix.
“It’s bad enough that we are now failing to attract everyone but the most uptight finance bros, because our own talent acquisition has fallen through the roof. Turns out that people interested in studying for Physics at such a high level would rather study somewhere where they aren’t in a sadomasochistic relationship with every lecture course they have to take. This is frankly rude, and disrespectful to all the professors who have had to do this all their life, and our research results indicate that.
"No one could have guessed people who want to make six figures at 25 would form the majority of our student body. Part of a professional physicist’s career is putting up with unreasonable shit, but Generation Z can’t seem to handle that.”
NegaFelix was unable to record the rest of their statement as it devolved into incoherent rambling about the vocational life of an academic and something vaguely about how a physics degree separates the wheat from the majority of chaff.
Former Felix mystic Mina said the move was “excellent” and a step in the right direction.
“During my time in the Blackett and Huxley buildings, I have noticed a dark energy emanating and pervading everything. I have noticed that this energy affects the chakras of students by the beginning of the spring term in their first year, through a dark ritual known as the Mechanics exam.”
It is currently unclear whether the native rat populations of Huxley and Blackett will be affected by the change. Biologists studying these rats have claimed that a new species is set to be created following mutations cuased by the ominous smell. They have voiced concerns to NegaFelix that this would set back their progress, should the sage actually purge the evil spirt of the building.
