PMC Wagner passes Imperial’s new “Zero Ethics” index

The Wagner Group, a Russian private military company (PMC) involved in many of the Kremlin’s black operations, passed the latest assessment round for Imperial’s new “Zero Ethics” index. The index, which was finalised last month, will be repeated on a yearly basis to determine which defence companies and mercenary groups the College can partner with. 

Having faced criticism for its past partnerships with fossil fuel companies, Imperial recently established its “Zero Index” (IZI) as a benchmark. Big Oil companies deemed to demonstrate a credible goal to reach Net Zero, including BP, ExxonMobil and Shell, have secured “continued academic engagement”. 

The IZI was widely applauded by activist students and independent observers, with the leaders of one of the College’s most influential environmental organisations saying, “This is the best possible Index one could ever have designed. There are no loopholes whatsoever, and I am convinced that Shell will blow up its oil and gas facilities in the near future before sharing remaining shareholder profits with homeless people. I am not speaking at gunpoint and my partner is not locked in the Vice-Chamberlain’s office” 

Inspired by the success of the IZI, Imperial wished to quell criticism for its ties with weapons and defence companies by establishing a “Zero Ethics” index. All defence companies looking to partner with the College must go through a protracted and layered evaluation process, established by the IWGHLPP (Imperial Working Group for High Lethality Potential Partnerships). 

The index includes 20 criteria, such as “biodegradability of weaponry” and “aesthetics of Code of Ethic slide deck”. A “commitment to net zero children mutilated by 2030” is the only “threshold metric”– meaning failing it results in automatic exclusion.  

None of the individual scores have been released, since Imperial used confidential information from the companies to calculate them. The College does not track the firms’ past delivery on promises as part of the index, as that would make it “impossible for any company to pass the assessment”. 

Among the seven companies that passed the Index were Russia’s PMC Wagner, North Korea’s Hamhung Chemical Materials Research Centre, and a British startup that provides knives to disadvantaged youth in South London. 

Aykarpyet Bombadaz Yivilyan, a representative for the Wagner Group, welcomed the news on Russia Today. “We look forward to fostering an explosive growth-based relation with Imperial, working hand in hand to bring ‘Science for Humanity’. Many of our top executives are already based in South Kensington, so we expect to hit the ground running”. 

Asked about the company’s poor human rights records, Yevgeny Prigozhin, the PMC’s CEO and a close friend of Russian President Vladimir Putin, explained: “Our steady increase in war crimes in the past decade is the result of a series of unexpected geopolitical challenges, unforeseen financial incentives and frankly unpredictable corruption pacts. We remain committed to not killing children by 2030.” 

Imperial’s Vice-Chamberlain told Felix, “The Imperial Zero and Zero Ethics indices show our clear commitments to transparency and ethical science. We want students to know that their voices are heard and respected. 

“To paraphrase a famous headmaster, research contracts will always be given at Imperial to those who ask for it,” he concluded, “as long as they have time to fill in the paperwork.”