Imperial spinout Kt-Nype AI raises $300 million in Series A funding
Venture Capital funds invest in Kt-Nype’s transformative AI-powered quantum crypto NFT space nanobot biotech solutions.
OOH OOH AHH AHH FELIX FELIX OOH OOH OOH AAH AHH OOH OOH AAH AHH OOH OOH AHH AHH OOFHEOIFHFOIHFQ OOH OOH OOH AHH AHH OOHH AHHH OOH OOH OOH AHH AHH AHH AHH OHH OHHH YEAHHHHH.
OOH OOH AHH AHH FELIX FELIX OOH OOH OOH AAH AHH OOH OOH AAH AHH OOH OOH AHH AHH OOFHEOIFHFOIHFQ OOH OOH OOH AHH AHH OOHH AHHH OOH OOH OOH AHH AHH AHH AHH OHH OHHH YEAHHHHH. Translation: (Translated from the Gorilla by George Pastons, B.A. Monkey Language and
Imperial half-heartedly hangs Pride flag for LGBTQ+ History Month
Imperial College has decided to “half-heartedly” hang up a Pride flag in a disused corner of the Sherfield building because of a commitment to “remain impartial” following political tensions, according to people familiar with the matter. The College did not plan any official events for LGBTQ+ History Month for the
Felix Editor pledges to “elimnate tipos” as part of a “wra”
Felix Editor Felix Felix has pledged to “elimnate” the many typos that have recently scarred the newspaper, as part of a “merciless “wra” on unprofessionalism. Many readers had expressed their displeasure with typo rate in the double digits. “I’ve stopped reading Felix,” a MSc Cryptography student shared, “it reminded
McKinsey audit reveals Felix is “full of shit”
A leaked report by consulting firm McKinsey & Co has revealed that “on average 56% of facts” reported in Felix are false, with several sections presenting almost entirely false statements as fact. The report concluded that on the whole, according to their proprietary evaluation programmes, Felix should in no cases
PMC Wagner passes Imperial’s new “Zero Ethics” index
The Wagner Group, a Russian private military company (PMC) involved in many of the Kremlin’s black operations, passed the latest assessment round for Imperial’s new “Zero Ethics” index. The index, which was finalised last month, will be repeated on a yearly basis to determine which defence companies and
Ode to the editor
(In Imperial Confessional form)
Physics and Maths departments to sage Huxley and Blackett
Both the Departments of Mathematics and Physics will be burning sage in what insiders say is a “desperate” attempt to combat worsening student satisfaction. The use of sage burning, a practise derived from withcraft, is seen to be a radical departure from both departments’ lack of action. “Look, we don’
Student saves £2,500 yearly eating Taste Imperial presentation dishes
An Imperial student was revealed to be saving thousands of pounds each year by eating the presentation dishes at campus eateries. Taste Imperial outlets usually prepare an extra meal for display to let students know what sauce accompanies the specific rice-and-meat preparation they serve on that day. These are generally
Halloween: Union dressed for distress
Nightmare gala turned HR nightmare.
Supreme Court rules “ragebait” is valid legal defence
The UK’s highest court sided with Imperial students in two out of three crucial test cases focusing on crimes that involved “ragebaiting”. The decision reversed earlier court rulings that denied the possibility of ragebaiting as a plausible and honest reason for harmful and destructive acts. Previously, these offences only
Catnip Monkeys return to basement following controversial new horoscope debacle
The Catnip monkeys have returned to the West Basement to run the Catnip column after numerous complaints from Imperial students regarding the quality of recent horoscopes. In a shock move, both new Catnip supremo Barnaby Hilton-Royce, and astrologer Mystic Mina have been booted from the editorial board, never to return.